Tuesday 11 February 2014

Contemplating IVF

So a couple of months have passed and not much has happened since my last entry.  I am still completely addicted to POAS (peeing on a stick) and still struggle to complete the two week wait before unwrapping those little buggers and peeing on them.  My shortest wait was literally immediately after bd'ing (see the dictionary page if you are struggling with all these acronyms!).  You are meant to wait two weeks after ovulation and possible conception before doing a pregnancy test, because it takes that long for the egg and sperm to meet, for the fertilised egg to implant, and for the HCG to show up in your system.  So I think that doing it one millisecond post-coitus was a moment of insanity.  It wasn't the first, and guaranteed it won't be the last.
This addiction can get you into trouble and can be heartbreaking.  I tested early whilst on holiday over New Year and got a positive.  My first positive since my doomed pregnancy 10 years ago.  I was absolutely elated, as were my husband and sister who came bounding into the room knowing exactly what I was screeching about (although my husband couldn't quite believe it).  It was weird, I don't know whether I instinctively knew something was wrong, but I suddenly felt hugely panicked.  The next day the tests were negative, and I got a very heavy period a few days later. So that's why it's important not to test too early, because of the possibility of chemical pregnancies, which I'm told are VERY common and mostly go unnoticed due to the fact that the early 'miscarriage' comes at the same time as a normal period, and is often no different to a normal period.

Anyway, two and a bit years of regular TTC ing, and we are now on the IVF road.  We had our initial consultation with a lovely nurse in our local hospital, and having fulfilled all the criteria we are being referred to a not so local hospital to have IVF.  I've read a little bit about it and it sounds quite harrowing, but it's very important to keep our eye on the prize and pray that it will all work out.  I slightly lost my composure when the nurse said that some IVF departments will incubate the embryo for a little while, but prefer to transfer it as soon as possible into the uterus, as 'you are of course the best incubator for your baby'.  It made it feel so real that I very nearly burst into tears. My husband didn't really get the emotion of the moment and skipped out of our appointment feeling very excited at the thought of having a fat wife and later on a mini-him.
But a bit of positivity and excitement is important, so I will try not to be a moping mary in contrast to his happy excitement at life.